The concept of aging is difficult for me to accept, as most days I wake up after eight hours sleep (any less and I can’t function) a little bloated (if I’ve eaten after 7pm the night before as my digestive system can’t handle late meals), and think I’m 18.
When people refer to the ‘youth’, I categorise myself as such. So when random uncles (never the aunties as they know better) stop my mum and me in Sainsbury’s, and compliment her with some farcical story about us looking like ‘sisters’, I’m forced to smile through gritted teeth (because to do otherwise would be rude and would reflect badly on me, my mum, the family... the world!), and agree in good humour (masking my rage) that my mother really has done well and looks extremely good. By the time I get home I feel fully righteous sulking like a child.
I am 28 years old and as much as I may feel full of youthful spirit, I am so far from a ‘youf’ it’s hard to comprehend. The irony is, the realisation is only too apparent when in the presence of an actual ‘youth’ and they do something so discombobulating I am reminded that I have nothing but disdain for most young people.
When I see the teenage girls in the morning hanging round the bus stop, doing all they can to catch the attention of the boys, I’m always in awe of the effort they’ve exerted on their hair and makeup and general presentation. Even the tom boys look way better than in my day. What a sight to behold... The 13 year old girls with their weaves down to their backside, so well coiffed you’d imagine they’d just left the salon. Bright false nails, make up perfectly applied (my cocoa butter and Vaseline combination doesn’t compare) wearing the funkiest trainers you’ve ever seen, they look like they should be on set for a music video rather than on route to school.
It’s like I blink and a lifetime has passed and I am so out of sync I am positively stone age, or ‘old school’ as my teenage cousin likes to say. Never is this realisation more prolific than when I witness my cousins in conversation with their parents.... To even be present in the room amongst adults is a privilege I rarely had. Back in the day, when my parents’ friends arrived (the nameless uncles and aunties), my sister and I hung around just long enough to conduct our duties - the cordial offering of drinks and the answering of trite mundane questions: ‘Yes auntie, school is going well… I’m in year nine now, coming top of the class (never have, never will) preparing for GCSE’s and world domination’ (they liked that one). Then that was it. Duty done I was banished upstairs to leave the grown folks to their chatter. Now my cousins stay plonked on the sofa, flicking through the music channels at the speed of light creating their own homage to Hype Williams. They chip in to the conversation as they like, teasing the adults, raising topics they are interested in and cracking jokes at the old folk’s expense. Shocking!
I recall when I was about ten coyly broaching the subject of sex whilst my mum was deeply engrossed in cooking. My mother remained focused on her cooking, not even raising her head from the stove, (thus lulling me into a false sense of security) and simply asked who at school had told me. Without a moment’s hesitation, she branded my friend a whore and asked me to cease our friendship immediately.
The final indictment to cement my coming of age took place on Christmas at my aunt’s house where I’d spent my formative years, playing with her kids, nieces and nephews. The conversation began as it always does among middle aged women, with stories of their ‘successful’ children – which in turn reflects well on them as mothers for having successfully raised their children. There’s always an underlying element of competition in any chats between these women – an attempt to use their children to outdo one another and ultimately prove one family and one mother over the other. Entertaining as it was to watch, my aunt gloating and mother feigning indifference, it was only when my aunt strayed openly onto the topic of her sixteen year old son’s sex life that I sat up and took note. My intrigue was less about the content of the conversation and more the freeness with which it was being discussed. Auntie had the gall to joke that when my cousin was heading out clubbing she’d remind him to take his keys, his money, and would smack her back pocket (think Kerry Catona - pre crack- in the Asda advert) symbolising a condom. Mum laughed, my uncle looked proud and I cringed at the loss of my youth.
CJ
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